A co-worker , with arms fully crossed and eyes wide, began to launch into a series of complaints over the workplace, the boss, the co-workers, the other co-workers and me, too. To his way of thinking, no one understood the problem with the degree of technical expertise that was required to diagnose it and, although he appreciated people trying to help, they never really helped solve anything. His tactic was one we’ve all used, unfortunately: IF I JUST GET MAD ENOUGH AT IT, IT WILL CHANGE THE WAY I WANT IT TO.
I know this technique and I’ve used it often. I’ve discovered, however, that it rarely works perfectly.
What this tactic usually does is create short-term compliance that grows into long-term resistance from the yellee, and long-term frustration from the yeller. Try it out for yourself if you’re not certain: At home, get mad at your kids and serve them up a big helping of your personal wrath. Yes, they will scurry like cockroaches when the lights come on, but they will surely defy you again. Unless, of course, you terrify them into submission, robbing them of their own ability to think for themselves.
You can also try it next time you get ripped off at the store, or just plain get bad service. Go ahead, give them a big piece of your mind as loud and as long as you can stand it. Watch them give in. Maybe you’ll even get your money back or a discount on future items. Unfortuantely, odds are the business will be back to the same lousy practices 5 minutes after you walk out the door, if not sooner.
Or, how about with co-workers, managers, subordinates? Next time you don’t like someone’s work, shun them, argue with them, report them to a manager. Heck, even have it out with them face-to-face. Maybe, if you “win” they’ll do what you want…..today. They’ll be busy planning on how to get you back at best, or just simply slow down and stop helping you at all, every day, all the time, at worst.
Horrible situations sometimes occur when you find someone whose Anger Tank is even bigger than yours. If they decide to get angry right back at you, then there’s usually a contest over who can get angrier…..longer. Sometimes, this even becomes an endurance event and goes on for years.
Admit it, we all do it. We all get angry and try to use that anger to bend others to our will. Kids, strangers, signifcant others, the kid at the deli counter, the guy in accounting…..they’re all subject to our ire and they can be forced to comply. Sometimes – maybe even most of the time – we’ll see them cave in and give us what we want. Unfortuantely, that cooperation rarely lasts for long.
That is the Angry Myth – believing that when we get angry and people give us what we want, that they now, somehow, see things our way. If anything, our anger only serves to reinforce their previous position and set their minds, if not their actions, squarely against us. So, while it may be true that Anger is a gift, getting Angry at others most certainly is not.
About the author David M. Kasprzak
I am a seasoned project and management analyst with over 14 years of experience as a trusted advisor to all levels on planning, measuring and analyzing activities. From small-scale internal projects to multi-year development efforts supporting enterprise-wide initiatives at the C-level, I “get geeky” seeing great management practices yield great outcomes. I am a fierce & vocal advocate for learning, collaborative approaches to work and pursuing Operational Excellence through challenging the status quo and fostering management innovation
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